One Stop Boy Shop

Not a “Do-er”.  At least not always a “doer”.

My entire life, I’ve been a day-dreamer.  I can waste (or fill) hours of time just staring off into space and “dreaming” with my eyes wide open.  I think my daydreaming is a big part of my insomnia issues.  I always describe my insomnia as “not being able to shut my head off”  Life gets difficult for me when I get overwhelmed and daydreaming just kind of takes over.

When Jim (my non-step stepfather) became sick and subsequently died, I let a lot of things slide.  I’m still trying to “catch-up” but something in my personality when it becomes overwhelmed just shuts down.  I become “paralyzed” if you will, by indecision and “where do I begin”.  In the end, nothing gets done, but I dream about it!  And boy do I dream a lot.  I dream of places I want to go, places I want to see, things I’d like to try.  I research them, I dream of them and then after I’ve wasted a huge amount of time, something else strikes my fancy and I move towards it.  I also dream of the past and relive moments in my life sometimes as they really happened and sometimes I change the moments in my life to have a different outcome.  I’m a dreamer, I tell ya!  And boy do I dream.

This isn’t to say that I can’t handle crisis well, or multi-task.  I love to be busy but ORGANIZED busy.  When things (rarely) get away from me, that’s when I get into trouble.

In my twenties, I used to grab the world by the horns and just Go For It!  I didn’t let decisions and choices tie me down.  I’d throw my path up to the wind and say “I’m Going to do THIS” and I’d get it done.

I remember having a t-shirt as a tween that fit my personality well.  It was based off of my astrological sign and read (I can’t believe I still remember this!):

Aquarius:

Lucky Number Zero:  Also the number of faults I have.

Lucky Sign:  Please Do Not Disturb

I am an idealistic dreamer, ideally I’d rather be at home dreaming.

I think it’s ok to be a dreamer as long as you don’t dream your real life away.

I need to find a way to unearth myself and rejoin the wakeful world.  Perhaps it’s time to look into meditation.  Wonder if that’s the cure for the funk that I’m in.  I know one thing that would help….. I need to stay away from realtor.com!