One Stop Boy Shop

What am I to do when I’m sad?  The only thing that came to mind was to write.  It’s my therapy.  My version of a shrink and I’m sad.

Let me start by saying that cancer SUCKS.  And just so we’re really clear on that, CANCER REALLY SUCKS.  It’s a parasite, a life-sucker, a disaster, a catastrophe, a heart-ache and a thief.  It steals from us our most valuable assets.  It robs us of people that we hold near and dear.  It weakens us even when it doesn’t attach directly to us.  It wreaks havoc on our world and teaches lessons of mortality whether we want to learn them or not.  IT SUCKS.

I hate cancer.  I despise it and I fear it.  I mourn what it takes, I grieve for what it steals.  I question its existence.  I ponder its worth.  It has none.  It’s a cockroach.  It’s useless, dirty and despicable.  And it hurts.  Damn it hurts.

Yesterday, cancer STOLE from me, my Jeeeeeem.  My Jim.  My non-step-stepfather.  My Father.  My children’s grandpa.  My Mom’s husband.  It also took my breath away and left me gasping.  More importantly it took JIM’s breath away.  I mourn for him.  I will always miss him and love him.  He was my father for 23 years and I adored him.

Last year I wrote this about Jim in my Fathers Day Tribute:

I used to have a really hard time “celebrating” or even recognizing Father’s Day. The other day I told you about my “Daddy“. My birth father and a man that I loved deeply. He left big shoes to fill, too big for any mortal man BUT…. there’s a big BUT (and it’s not my BUTT).

My mom met and married a saint 22 years ago. Saint Jim. He’s my step father but I’m proud to honor him on Fathers Day. He never has tried to replace my “Daddy” but he has become in every way shape and form a Father to me. He’s a kind and loving man who treats me like his own flesh and blood. He goes above and beyond to keep me a part of his life and his family. He helps me, loves me and will tell me when I’m being a “dumb shit”… lol   His sense of humor and his one liners make me laugh so hard my stomach hurts. He’ll tell my boys (who call him “Gampa”) to “Come over here so I can unscrew your belly button so your butt will fall off”. He’s hilarious.

I often refer to him as “my Dad” although I do still call him Jim. I’ll say “look at these beautiful bookcases that my Dad built for me!”.  He’s also the handy man who makes these items for me for One Stop Boy Shop:

He’s always there for me, my husband and my children and has embraced us and made us all feel loved.  There’s nothing “step” about him, he’s earned the title of “Father”.  I’ve been very fortunate in my life to be blessed with the love of a Daddy and a Father.

The same words are true today.  They’ll be true tomorrow and I will keep him alive in the hearts and minds of my children.  He was a master carpenter.  Yes he built with wood and nails but he also built with love.  He built a family that will remember him forever.

I’m sad.  Cancer SUCKS.

Please Rest now Jim.  We love you.